A Non-Newtonian Fluid (maddening) wrote,
A Non-Newtonian Fluid

I've mentioned this before

But sometimes Rob Brezsny's horrorscopes are kind of frighteningly accurate.


Did you ever notice how much better you look in some mirrors than others? The mirror in your bathroom may reflect back an image of yourself you don't wholly approve of, while the restroom mirror at a local restaurant may prompt you to exclaim, "That's exactly how I imagine myself" or "I had forgotten how attractive I am." Just as some mirrors bring out the best in you while others reflect the worst, the same is true about people and situations: Some have a seemingly magical power to accentuate the finest sides of your personality, while others exaggerate qualities you'd prefer to disown. I bring this up because it's now crucial to surround yourself with the very best mirrors.

But unfortuately, they sometimes tell me what I already know. One of the major pushing points with Will and finally just.. escaping all that (and it *was* an escape) was the fact that he made me feel horrible. He would call and as soon as I heard his voice on the phone I would feel exhausted and angry. Just immediately exacerbated. Nothing he said, no matter how benign, could be the right thing. Nothing was just a conversation. It was all a personal affront because I was just *so* done.
I really hated who I was when I was around him.
I dealt with every other horrible thing (and there were many) really well. But eventually it was just the simple "do they make me happy" that severed it all.

We hadn't even been "together"... that had ended months and months before. But he still called everyday and made me feel like hell everyday.

So, knowing that I have a history of just putting up with people who don't make me feel good simply because being around makes *them* feel good, I don't feel bad about chopping people out.
I'm a little leary about actually DEALING with them... but I don't think I have to, do I?

My hands smell like lemons.

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