A Non-Newtonian Fluid (maddening) wrote,
A Non-Newtonian Fluid
maddening

From the Hidden Journal

i got a lotto ticket. I never get lotto tickets. I'm looking for a long shot. because that's what I always get. i can no longer be suprised when the world is stand off ish and odd with me. standing amazed that no one will play monopoly.
perplexed when i'm blatantly ignored.
i know the cause and why and wherefore and the whodunit of it. so i can't play dumb anymore. can't wonder why i'm sitting here again on a saturday with no one of immediate flesh paying me any mind.
I can't blame a crowd that hides from flame throwers. I can't scoff at the pack of explorers who decide to flee from the lion. and I can't stomp like a kid when the audience dozes off somewhere near the middle of my droning soliloquy.
It's all good. or it will be. eventually.
i'm an annoying little fucker. who's a bitch without reason. i'm a shit when it takes less effort to just say 'okay'.
"I hated you when it would have taken less courage to love"
i'm so fucking bukowski.
green beer and factory jobs.. not quite. but close enough for government work, hmm?
my knee hurts.
think I'll smack it into the desk a few more times and take a bath while I'm still cold and numb fingered.
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