This is the most dangerous e-mail virus yet.
It will rewrite your harddrive.
Not only that, but it will scramble any disks that are even close to your computer.
It will recalibrate your refrigerator's coolness setting so all your ice cream melts.
It will demagnetize the strips on all your credit cards, screw up the tracking on your vcr, and use sub space field harmonics to render any cds you try to play unreadable.
It will give your ex boy- or girlfriend your new phone number.
It will mix anti-freeze into your fish tank.
It will drink all your beer and leave its socks out on the coffee table when there's company coming over.
It will put a dead kitten in the back pocket of your good suit and hide the car keys when you're late for work.
"Bad Times" will make you fall in love with a penguin.
It will give you nightmares about circus midgets.
It will pour sugar in your gas tank and shave off both your eyebrows while dating your current boy- or girlfriend behind your back and billing the dinner and hotel room to your visa card.
It will seduce your grandmother.
It does not matter if she is dead, such is the power of "Bad Times," it reaches out beyond the grave to sully those things we hold most dear.
It moves your car randomly around parking lots so you can't find it.
It will kick your dog.
It will leave libidinous messages on your boss's voicemail in your voice.
It is insidious and subtle.
It is dangerous and terrifying to behold.
It is also a rather interesting shade of mauve.
"Bad Times," will give you dutch elm disease.
It will leave the toilet seat up.
It will make a batch of meth-amphetamine in your bathtub and then leave bacon cooking on your stove while it goes out to chase high school kids with your new snow blower.
These are just a few of the signs.
Be very very careful.