A Non-Newtonian Fluid (maddening) wrote,
A Non-Newtonian Fluid

  • Mood:
I watched Election tonight and it struck me that the way Matthew Broderick moves in that movie and his body type are really really similar to Jason. Vaguely perfectionist, kinda dorky, kinda stodgy. A normal sized by fairly thick framed body, almost stocky, but not quite big enough in the shoulders and chest for that.
It was a strange realization and really just served to distract me from the sheer goofiness of the rest of the movie.

I shouldn't even listen to the news. It only serves to absolutely sicken me. A 4 year old finds a gun on the floor of the kitchen and shoots himself in the face. A 14 year old and some friends beat a german shepard with metal poles before setting it on fire. More corporate CEO's under investigation for okaying the boiling of their books or taking massive "loans" they never paid back.

I was thinking today a little about 9/11 and how I felt watching live when the 2nd plane crashed. I was at work, it was a slow day (and after that it got much much slower as they closed all the schools near military installations and a lot of people were leaving the store to get their kids and huddle near televisions). Even the workers in the store who *never* went to the breakroom were there and no one was really concerned with merchandising or sales that day. I worked 7-4, writing a schedule, but not really, and making frequent trips back to the front to check on some of my hysterically upset cashiers and service desk people (yes, they were mine. Not because I was their manager. Just because they were mine).
I wouldn't call it shock. I wouldn't call it horror. It wasn't until late late that night that I cried at all and even then it was brief. I wasn't stunned that this could happen in America or outraged at the perpetrators. I wasn't filled with patriotism watching the rescuers and I don't think it even occured to me to be angry.
I was just really sad. And in the next couple of weeks as I repeated the phrase "we're waiting on the manufacturer to ship us flags, we're sold out. No, I don't know when that will be. Demand is high at the moment" at least 20 times a day (not exaggerating), and heard customers talking with one another about 'those disgusting towel heads' and "sand niggers" and "camel jockies" I just became more and more sad.

I never felt that sense of togetherness and brotherhood the tv kept claiming that we all had now. I actually felt just the opposite. A growing disgust with all these people around me who were so bloodthirsty and vengeful. They just wanted death and destruction for whoever had planned all this and I was actually stunned at how vile all of my fellow americans were. How vile they are.
At the same time, the people in other countries who went out of their way to belittle these events as just turnabout, just desserts, reaping what we sowed and that's that... that struck me as just as putrid and self serving and just as ultimately short sighted and blood thirsty.
I don't understand self righteously wishing for, condoning, or actively applauding death. Anyone's.
Pain isn't justice... it's just pain. And humans cause so much of it for each other for the most petty and deplorable reasons.

I've had people tell me that they felt a renewed sense of purpose in their lives after 9/11 and that they now live their lives more contientiously, with more joy. I think 9/11 just drove home the point to me that there are very few really true and decent and *good* people in the world and that I've been lucky to know some of them. Sitting at work listening to them talk about how they wanted John Walker Lind eviscerated and burned and tortured and killed and destroyed; How they wanted as much pain as possible inflicted on this traitor... I think I really saw the worst of humanity after 9/11 and it had nothing to do with the men in those planes.

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