A Non-Newtonian Fluid (maddening) wrote,
A Non-Newtonian Fluid

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I have a jar of dry roasted sesame seeds from Planters.
They have a "vaccuum seal" lid.
I've found great joy in the noise this lid makes when you open the jar. I thought it would only do it the first time I opened it and released the seal, but it's still doing it. Though I can't do it too often as it stops working. It needs time to really seal sufficiently, at least 10 minutes, before you can pop it again.
It just makes an incredibly satisfying sound.

I'm making another little piece of art with strips of paper and weaving. It's not as colorful as the pixie mats (and I really need some foam core board to finish it) but I think it's neater in a weird way. It's rare that something turns out exactly how I envision it... and so far, this has.

Apparently my father has decided that because I've spoken to him the last two days, this means that he should attempt to hug or touch me. He's been doing it a lot. I'm really unhappy with that.

Getting the couch out of the room leaves me with floor space again. Which lets me pull things out and throw away trash and reorganize... I desperately need bookshelves. I know I've said it before... but really, man. I need them badly.
I have something like 150 books just in one corner on the floor. That's not including the overlfowing bookshelf, the floor in front of it, the books on the stairs, the books in the glass front doll chest (which shouldn't have books in it.. but since I don't have dolls...) in the bathroom (I take baths to relax.. I read books in the bath) the books in a couple boxes (paperbacks mostly. Packed for my planned move to seattle... see Alicia? I was packing...) and the books in the closet.

I need bookshelves.
It used to bother me that my sister borrowed books and it would take her 6 months to get them back to me. Now I'm glad that they're just somewhere else while I'm not reading them because I really don't have the room for them.

Plus I have a lot of toys. Goofy little toys and things. I dig them.
I tried selling some on ebay once upon a time, but apparently nobody wanted the fullset of Batman movie happy meal toys. Or the original JungleBook wind up toys that are all in mint condition.

I had some misgivings earlier about wether or not I've been *too* bitchy and mean and snarky and judgemental lately here on the journal. It seems I've got some rant about something or another nearly every day lately. Sometimes I get into modes of behavior that I don't really realize I'm getting into until after the fact when I look back and see that I've been predominantly in one mood or another for awhile. It occured to me that I was doing a lot of ranting lately.
But, see... that's just how I am.
Usually if I'm attacking a person in particular, it's because their behavior is indicative of a larger issue that I have with people or life or society. Yes, look at me, the little sociologist. I am petty quite a bit. I'm very often horribly rude. About those things I'm unapologetic. Why? I've no idea. But you won't hear me saying that I'm sorry about it. Usually if I'm getting really petty and *really* rude it's becuase I'm personally offended or I just don't like you.
If I'm just generally bitching about someone or something, it's just venting.
Karl reminded me today that venting is good and leads to letting things go. So, no more of this feeling bad for being me.
I spent a lot of years being incredibly shy. I didn't talk in class ever. I tried to draw as little attention to myself as possible. I couldn't stand being looked at or having people pay attention to me, especially a group of them.
Since I've put a lot of my issues behind me, I've discovered my tongue. Since that time, I've been a ranter. I'm a very opinionated person and I've no problem bluntly stating those opinions. It's just me. For some of you, it's a major factor in why you dig me in the first place.

I've been wearing glasses since I was 10 years old so I'm rather used to the way I look with them on. But I've been uncomfortable with the way I look without glasses the last couple days when I thought I'd gotten over that. I realized today that it isn't because it's still new. It's because I don't like my face.
Hehe. I don't like the way it's shaped. Granted, you can see my eyes a lot more clearly and I don't have frames sitting on my miniscule nose... but I just really don't like my plain bare face staring at me every time I look in the mirror. I dunno if this is a psychological reaction from all the years of having glasses to hide behind or if it's an honest reaction to something I find displeasing or... something else.
I just feel like a more attractive person with the glasses on.
Especially since I've felt a lil chunkier than usual lately and weighed myself to discover that I've gained about 10lbs in the last couple months. So that would explain why the jeans are a little tighter. It's due to a lack of exercise and a sudden craving for ice cream. I've had more ice cream in the past month than I've had in the last several years.
So that's another good thing about this job... I'll be *forced* to get off my ass.

It's unfortunate... I was really feeling very good about myself physically and only weighed myself because I've felt a little larger. It's usually just my imagination and there's no actual gain so I didn't expect there to be a difference.
Yes, I know, I'm all obsessive sounding. But when you've done nothing but slowly lose weight over the last several years and all of a sudden you start gaining, you've got to wonder if you're at the end of your losing streak.

I'm still a sexy little bitch, by the way. I just like my jeans a little looser around my hips.

I realized tonight that, after replenishing my bank account a little, and getting a car, there's absolutely no reason why I can't keep the part time job and go to MT school and THEN make my moving plans when I might possibly be able to land a job that pays more than retail.
I dunno... I'm not planning too far ahead here. The first goal is accomplished. That's fine with me.
Baby steps, baby steps.

I think I might go watch a horror movie and go to bed. Maybe Magic... although that might actually be too creepy. Though I did watch Serpent and the Rainbow (a movie I really dig, even with the deplorable and horrible Bill Paxton in it) the other night right before bed without any ill side effects besides dreaming about veves and horses for a bit.
I also have Ghoulies II, which might be cool.. and Night of the Living Dead, which I can't watch alone in the middle of the afternoon... so it's sure as hell not a contender for tonight...

hmmm.. decisions decisions.

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