A Non-Newtonian Fluid (maddening) wrote,
A Non-Newtonian Fluid

I'm watching Jackie Chan movies tonight. I think it's funny that the Chinese movies don't have any focus on his buffness, but that's one of the main things they put a point on in Rumble in the Bronx. Dunno, funny the different approach. Just like.. in the American movie they point out his prowess really early on. In the Chinese movies they tend to make it look like total luck that he just happened to bumble his way into winning.
(update: of course, now that I look it up, it was made with a chinese title in 95, released in america in 96. So it wasn't really an *american* movie... So I change my mind and put it down to the director)

At work, Deneen pointed out that she pictured me as a goody goody girl, never doing anything wrong. Always on time, eager to please, honestly just happy to work and be helpful. The five other people standing there agreed.
That's a common perception. Apparently I put off a big innocence vibe (it doesn't help that I still come off as a high schooler too. I asked that guy I was training the other day how old he was and he was embarassed to tell me he was 25 because he thought I was probably *maybe* 18 years old). And if you never have a conversation with me where I'm actually myself... then that never goes away. Heh, and how often at work do I feel like I can just... speak my mind?
Not often.

I've felt very strange the last couple days. Angry, bitter, and justifiably so. But also just trying to make sure that I'm okay. It feels selfish but right and somewhere mixed in there I feel like I'm maybe just finding parts of me that I didn't know were there.

hard to explain really.

I picked up the phone when Tim called tonight. He hung up before I got past "hello, Tim..." which is good. I don't know what else I would have said.
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