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Nov. 23rd, 2002

I keep checking my edit friends stuff to see how many people have dropped me. No one has. Guh, it's a bad week for neediness.
Karl is gonna be hanging out with Jessie, Dave is working, most everyone else is either busy, working, or getting ready for thanksgiving crap.

Thanksgiving for me.. well... I work from 6 am - 2:30 on wednesday, I have thanksgiving day off. We're going down to Hobbsville, NC, where my sister lives, and having dinner down there. I don't mind that really, but her husband makes me want to throw things at his head and she gets bizarrely controlling/guilty/freaked out when it comes to food preparation because she has this skewed memory of my mother always being the perfect Donna Reed sort in the kitchen. She wasn't. She isn't. And she would never insist anyone else be either.
Then, after dinner, we'll come back here and I'll try to get some sleep before being back at work at 7 on friday. From what I've heard, it'll be a good idea to get there about 20 minutes early... just so I can be sure I actually get through the doors and clocked in by 7. Because people are consumeristic piles of poo in this season.
I really dislike thanksgiving becuase it's a POINTLESS holiday. It has *no* meaning. None at all. I think people should be issued notes... if they don't believe the pilgrims' story the way the pilgrims laid it all out, then they don't have to participate.

Not that christmas is any better.. but at least that has a real push on the back story.
Thanksgiving is the day families get together to eat a lot of food and burn off some resentment before christmas. If you aren't drunk and screaming by the end of the night, I don't really see the point. Or at least... that's what I've been told. My family doesn't speak about things. Even when drunk and screaming and angry we somehow manage to bite our tongues, pretend nothing is deep seatedly wrong.
That one time of the year where it seems we're *supposed* to let go and have nice huge cathartic releases... my memories of thanksgiving don't have much to do with that at all.
I remember being petrified that I would knock my glass over. That was horrible any day of the year, but today there was a *table cloth* on the table and it would be worse.

I think most people blow up at thanksgiving because they have been pretending their lives are the good happy lives they really *want* them to be. And I think we never did because we just knew we were pretending because somehow, without saying anything, Dad had instructed us to. Since it was just another order, we obeyed.

I don't know.. there are way too many flavors of bitter in this little stew here. I'm rambling about cryptic family things when I really should be finishing my coffee, finding a jacket, getting he frizzies out of my hair.

I'm thinking that if I can make it through christmas this year without a huge crying, screaming breakdown... I'll be doing pretty damned good. ::nods::

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