A Non-Newtonian Fluid (maddening) wrote,
A Non-Newtonian Fluid
maddening

I just wrote out this big long post explaining my recent isolated apathy toward certain people. Then I deleted it.

If I've hurt you horribly (any of you), just know that it was never my intention.
There are some things that I can't fix, either through lack of skill or lack of motivation to do so.

I was worried that this was me, stepping into a more nihilistic mindset. I was really worried about that. But I think that after hashing it out with Karl (yep. Him. That guy. The greatest source of understanding, kindness, patience, and companionship in my life. How horrible, huh?) I can see that it's not that I'm losing something of me. I might be *protecting* something of me... but nothing is lost here.

I'm exhausted and cracked out at the same time. Due in part to the cummulative sleep dep (no more than 2 hours of sleep a night this whole week) and in part to the ephedra I've been taking the last couple days to just remain upright and mobile.
Today at work I made loud reference to soul coughing, elephant parts, dame edna, graham norton, and Kung-Pow: Enter the Fist and still giggled like a little freak when no one else laughed or even ... got anything I'd said.

I'd like to think that I'll actually sleep tonight. Dunno if that'll happen or not.
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