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Great thing

I just read this in the Washington City Paper..
It's from an advice column written by a very very blunt man apparently named Dan Savage. I usually think these 'shock' guys who write things like this suck.. .and most of his other replies are inching over that line from amusingly blunt to assholish.. but this one made me laugh.

I'm a 16 year old girl with a 17 year old boyfriend. My boyfriend is religious and strongly against sex before marriage - vaginal, anal, or even oral. Recently, our making out has let to dry humping. I've heard all sorts of things from peers and teen magazines about what can happen when a guy ejaculates in this situation, and I would like to know just how far semen an travel and through what (if any) fabrics. Thank you for any help you can provide. - Nervous and Horny in VA

Yes, Virginia, you can get pregnant if your boyfriend comes on you - even if he only comes on your clothes. Didn't they cover this in the abstinence "education" you've been subjected to in high school? Semen can bore through your clothing and penetrate your skin, and then travel through your veins, into your uterus where, if you're ovulating, it can make you pregnant. Of course, his semen may not make it to your uterus. It could travel through your bloodstream and into your heart or your lungs, where it can penetrate the pulmonary alveoli. If it reaches your small intestine, it can mature there into adulthood and begin to lay eggs.
No, wait. I've confused semen with roundworms. Fucking Google. Sorry about that.
Honestly: If your boyfriend isn't coming inside you and you're not pressing your semen-soaked panties hard into your crotch, NAHI-VA, then odds that you'll get knocked up are nil. So you go right ahead and enjoy the hell out of the humping--even if it is going to land you both in hell. After all, every religion that bans premarital vaginal, anal, and even oral sex also bans premarital dry humping--particularly the kind of dry humping that leaves you sopping wet.

Comments

( 3 comments — Leave a comment )
mjfgates
Aug. 26th, 2003 09:03 pm (UTC)
Ye gods. You mean to say you actually haven't run into "Savage Love" before? Where have you been?

The column also appears in the Onion, in their "A.V. Club" section, if you prefer online reading.
maddening
Aug. 27th, 2003 12:04 pm (UTC)
Alicia told me that yesterday with about the same astonishment.
Never read Savage Love.
I just happened to find it in the City Paper because we were at Fresh Fields and it was there for free.

I don't read the onion stuff online much because Karl gets the paper delivered.

The most I've read of periodicals in the last many years is the local paper that is very very 'savage love' free.
mjfgates
Aug. 28th, 2003 12:44 am (UTC)
Heh. Now I'm tempted to go wave my cane around and reminisce about the good old days when "The Stranger" was first coming out.
( 3 comments — Leave a comment )

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