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I'm having a major 'nice girls can't complain' thing right now. Karl keeps trying to convince me that I am actually allowed to say whatever I want, but well, it doesn't feel that simple.
I take being nice to the extreme of being a rug so that sometimes I forget that I don't have to. The thing is, I don't expect anyone else to be that nice to me... and I'm usually not pleasantly surprised.

If you saw something on my journal and then it wasn't there anymore, the nice girl thing would be why. It's hard to complain about things when you don't feel like you're allowed to, and are therefore incredibly defensive about what you do manage to say. However, I do want to thank kaeren for always being honest and thoughtful, especially when it matters most.

My face hurts like I was punched from the still raging grossness that Karl has now picked up as well.

I can't focus on work any more so I have to just give up for the night. Though I do want to load up a game and play it on my brand spanking new monitor (an early anniversary gift for the girl who stares at a computer 16 hours a day and who's eyes suffer for it). It's tiny, bright, clear, and it takes up about 1/4 of the space the CRT did.

I don't think I've mentioned how incredible my dog is lately. She is. She is just SO sweet. We got lucky with her in the first place, and the attention I can afford to give her by working at home has just taken the sweetness and made it better. She's attentive, well behaved, and very happy. Nothing better than a dog who wakes up from a nap and is so happy just to see that you're still in the room with her that she wiggle dances for 10 minutes and buries her head in your lap. She's a couple inches shorter in the shoulder and a few inches shorter length wise than Steph and Andre's full grown yellow Lab and she just turned 6 months at the beginning of April. Given that the vet says she'll probably grow for another 8 months, we can expect a huge dog. Good thing she's as sweet as she is.

I've never had a dog before so the prospect of having one from a puppy and sort of shaping their behavior scared the piss out of me. But I apparently needn't have worried.

Comments

( 9 comments — Leave a comment )
mjfgates
Apr. 15th, 2004 12:53 am (UTC)
Karl is right. If nothing else, who else in the world do you have to please? No, wait, that might be wrong. I don't know, because while I honestly don't care about the vast majority of the human race, I do understand that most people don't feel quite as strongly that way. Anyway, I can't think of any reason why you should care about people who think you're not allowed to get bitchy now and then.

Which brings me to the other thing: Would it have bothered you to have me make jokes about turning puppy into Super Cyber Combat Doggie? 'Cos, a year ago I would have just done it, but a year ago you didn't give a rat's arse. Didn't dare to, maybe.
maddening
Apr. 15th, 2004 07:17 am (UTC)
It's not that I have anyone in particular to please, and honestly explaining the whole thing would take more time than I think it warrants.
Basically, I'm frustrated by things. Becuase I'm frustrated, I want to vent. However, somewhere in my head venting still = whining when I do it, I have impossible standards for myself when it comes to just shutting up and taking it, and I'm pretty sure my best audience to vent to lives with me anyway, so why the hell am I posting it?

It's never that anyone else thinks I'm not allowed to be bitchy. It's that sometimes I am pretty sure I'm going to end up hurting the feelings of/burdening/putting out/annoying someone who I actually give a damn about and I'll always just keep it to myself if I think it's going to put out someone else.

I don't quite see where you're going with Super Cyber Combat Doggie... What do you mean by "didn't dare to"?
That's a few times now you've made these comments like this lately where I just can't tell if you're being snarky/biting or if you're just hypothesizing.

I know it's *you* so if you have something rude to say you'll generally just go ahead and say it. But I honestly can't tell how you mean that.


A year ago, I had just quit retail, packed up some clothes and a bed, and was moving up here to live in the basement of my best friend's house. So yeah, I'd say a lot has changed in a year.
akadashi
Apr. 15th, 2004 09:49 am (UTC)
"Basically, I'm frustrated by things. Becuase I'm frustrated, I want to vent. However, somewhere in my head venting still = whining when I do it, I have impossible standards for myself when it comes to just shutting up and taking it, and I'm pretty sure my best audience to vent to lives with me anyway, so why the hell am I posting it?"

Sometimes it doesn't matter who does or doesn't hear it, it's the simple act of expressing yourself, of getting something out of your system that helps. To be pretentious and idiotic for a moment, if a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to hear it, it doesn't matter whether it makes a sound or not 'cos that motherfucker needed to fall and that's that. Adooysh.
mjfgates
Apr. 15th, 2004 04:46 pm (UTC)
"Didn't dare to" was me, thinking that a year ago you were still at your parents', where you didn't seem to feel allll that secure (and I don't blame you). Where you talked about the neighborhood crackheads and "friends" who psychotically beat you up and such. Where you would've been just plain stupid to get a dog you cared about. Which, well, "plain stupid" has never been one of the phrases I'd pick to describe you.

And I haven't really been all that connected for a long time, so I honestly wasn't sure if you'd be bothered by me talking about, e.g., attaching nuclear-powered laser cannon to Medium Sized Furry Creature.

So, this is me trying not to be snarky. And, apparently, not being very damned good at it. I've got way too much practice at being grumpy and bitter, I think.
I hadn't realized that it's been that long... it has, hasn't it? Wierd.
maddening
Apr. 16th, 2004 06:20 am (UTC)
There was no security to be had in virginia beach. Even if I'd been on my own there, there was still no security to be had.

You can talk about outfitting the dog with any sort of weapon of mass destruction you like. As long as you aren't going out of your way to talk about hurting the pup, I welcome all rhetoric.

Ya know, I think that I've just gotten so used to reading you as sarcastic that it's hard to stop. The limitations of a text based medium plus you and I not knowing each other *that* well means I can't just assume you mean one thing or another.
I won't suggest we resort to smiley faces or anything, but I know I'll be slowing down more and reading a little more carefully.

You're one of the few people who actually still comments when I say things. I appreciate that.

And yeah, it has been that long. Today is the one year anniversary in fact. I really didn't want to let Karl go to work today. But well, I need to get stuff done too and the more I get done today, the more we can goof off this weekend. But really really really didn't want him to leave this morning.
subbes
Apr. 20th, 2004 07:41 pm (UTC)
I want a puppy that I can train to shoot jehova's witnesses.
maddening
Apr. 21st, 2004 06:38 am (UTC)
I have no beef with Jehovah's witnesses... it's the freakin Mormons who scare me.
Riding around on their little bikes like mobile children of the damned
kaeren
Apr. 26th, 2004 11:45 am (UTC)
Venting != Whining.
Do you think there are actually people on the planet who don't vent?
Probably, but their ulcers must be tremendously painful.

Those of us who care, can separate your vent-ations from an slam against something we might give a crap about. Does that make sense?

The people I love in the world, I love NOT because they always say what I want to hear. That is more along the lines of what I mean :)
kaeren
Apr. 26th, 2004 11:41 am (UTC)
(i am catching up on lj)
i just love you, holly! that is all.
( 9 comments — Leave a comment )

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