There really aren't words to describe how horrible a movie Van Helsing is. If you have any affection at all for Dracula, Frankenstein, the Wolfman, or any of the older monster movies be forewarned that this movie takes a big hard long piss on them.
It was almost parody. *almost*. But it wasn't, and it wasn't trying to be. And the thing is... it wasn't even laugh at it funny.
literally every 10 seconds they threw another blatant, tired, assinine movie cliche at you. It wasn't camp though, it was just bad. No acting. None. No consistency to ANY Of the accents. And even the special effects were poorly done, screaming of matting issues and obvious delinations between matte backgrounds and foreground set pieces.
It was SO incredibly bad. so so so so so so so so so so so bad.
Edit: I failed to mention that it was also 2 1/2 hours long. I am personally angry at Hugh Jackman. Fuck Hugh Jackman.