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so

I'm almost out of half and half.
And I spy in the fridge a quart of chocolate milk.
Hmmmm
I wonder how that would be in the coffee.
This cracked out eggnog coffee that I've had in a lil metal vacuu seal can since christmas when Carol gave me this huge sampler of varietals.
chocolate milk in the eggnog flavored coffee.
That smells *exactly* like eggnog and tastes just like most favored coffees taste.
only using it because i ran out of the good, ground coffee.
If I used the lil bit that was left, I would be without coffee in the morning and there is NO WAY I can venture out of the house to get coffee before I have coffee.
I would mow down everyone in my path.
I would see imagined ills at every turning.
There would be a murder in the super K
I swear it
I can't be bothered to actually talk to anyone right now.
Good thing everyone has buggered off for the moment.
made the mistake of saying that I "need" some amps.
I meant it for the fogginess in my head.
I don't have ADD... nothing diagnosed...but I've been told more than once that I've got all the symptoms and signs.
Beh,
labels.
yes, but amps make me feel level and calm
they make me feel focused and lucid.
And they give me all that good speedy damned energy.
So, really.
I should have said I WANT some amps.
but the coffee will have to do.


one a.m. and I'm slurpin coffee.
WHY?
because otherwise I won't be able to sleep.
yes, I just said that.
OTHERWISE I WON'T BE ABLE TO SLEEP
I was in the fuzzy headed thing.
thoughts not linking,
trains jumping tracks like giddy jump roping pigtailed girls in gingham knee dresses and tiny white sneakers.
giggling lil train thoughts.
bounce bounce bounce.
and they still are.
but I can focus now.
really.
Laddi Daddi
we came to pah dee.


reading someone else's journal. One he deleted and reinstated so I could read it (very sweet of him) I found these lyrics.
I'm a lemon.
That's what it is.
I'M A GADDAMNED LEMON.
" When I was just a lad of 10 my father said to me, 'Come here and take a lesson from the lovely lemon tree.' 'Don't put your faith in love my boy', my Father said to me. 'I fear you'll find that love is like the lovely lemon tree.' Lemmmon tree... very pretttty... and the lemon flower is sweet.... but the fruit of the poor lemon is impossible to eat."

"One day beneath the lemon tree my love and I did lie, a girl so sweet that when she smiled the stars rose in the sky. We passed that summer lost in love, beneath the lemon tree. The music of her laughter hid my fathers words from me..."

"One day she left without a word. She took away the sun. And in the dark she'd left behind I'd known what she had done. She'd left me for another. Its a common tale but true. A sadder man but wiser now... I sing these words to you: Lemmmon tree... very pretttty... and the lemon flower is sweet.... but the fruit of the poor lemon is impossible to eat."


And no comments about eating my fruit, dammit.


Let's free ourselves from ritalin, people.
No more adderol.
No more ritalin.
No more letting docs tell you that you NEED it in order to be NORMAL
FUCK NORMAL.
be the crackhead that you were born to be
it's not a disfunction.
it's just a difference in the way the brain works.


And then send me all your left over 'scrips
hehe


Had this open and reading for well over an hour.
gonna post it now

Comments

( 6 comments — Leave a comment )
azmatiq
Jun. 8th, 2001 11:50 pm (UTC)
People.
You shouldn't regret phrasing things in one particular way because people were unable to see your point.

You knew how you meant 'need', and they shouldn't have assumed.

As for the lemons, we all decide. I've been a lemon. *shrug* Its that... knowing we can be lemons can we do something about it?

I've watched the people interact in my world, they're all lemons... some of the time. Some more than others. :)
frobisher
Jun. 9th, 2001 12:42 pm (UTC)
Heh. Sigfile.

And testing for ADD may be in my future! Wheee...

Oh, by the way, would you mind if I ate.... uh, forget it...
(Anonymous)
Jun. 11th, 2001 11:14 am (UTC)
You didn't use the "H" either.
Somebody... don't remember who... was pokin' at me for not calling it "ADHD" a few days ago, probably on irc, so it was probably punky, 'cos who else is ever there, besides you, and her, and me? Well, other people, but BESIDES them.

It's nice that I can still talk to *somebody*. Or maybe "by" somebody, in this case. But still. HI VERT!

Beatings! Beatings all around!

-m, but, y'know, maybe it's NOT, because, well it's JUST a little -m at the bottom of the post. No security, eh?
maddening
Jun. 11th, 2001 12:51 pm (UTC)
Re: You didn't use the
I don't call it ADHD because I don't think I have attention defecit HYPERACTIVE disorder.
That's something else entirely. Some of the things overlap, but they're really different things.


And you must be in irc a hell of a lot less than me because I'm pretty much never ever there anymore.


And I know it's you because the other crackhead doesn't express quite like you, Mr. "I'm going to isolate myself from the outside world, but then keep popping back up without admitting that I shouldn't have."
(Anonymous)
Jun. 11th, 2001 11:19 am (UTC)
I hate good stimulants.
They're way too perfect, y'know? ENTIRELY too perfect. I know too damn many people who ended up in hospitals from malnutrition and the occasional bit of brain damage. People *just* like me, just like, except for being not quite scared enough. Some of 'em came out okay, some never really did.

You KNOW this is all your fault, right? All these half-formed bits of things that you don't bother to sand & polish just glued mostly together and left with the boxes open. My mind *is* worse than my closet.

-m, prob'ly
maddening
Jun. 11th, 2001 12:52 pm (UTC)
Re: I hate good stimulants.
I know about the perfection of speedy things.
That's why I watch myself veeeeeeeeeeeery closely.
I've known too many crankheads to let myself do that. But yeah.
I know.
EVERYTHING is my fault.
( 6 comments — Leave a comment )

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