A Non-Newtonian Fluid (maddening) wrote,
A Non-Newtonian Fluid

I just don't like people anymore at all. Or rather, it's an effort not to just hate everyone.

I don't post a lot. Even the "friends only" posts are vague becuase I refuse to be caught out in something said to the wrong ears.

So, I don't talk about the things that are bugging me in the format I have traditionally been most comfortable with when it comes to talking about the things that are bugging me. Becuase I have no trust. Even for those people who are supposedly friends, I don't trust any of you anymore. It's a sad thing to say and mean. Then again there are a few of you I trust for absolutely no good reason.

I'm not changing anything, I'm not "going friends only", I'm just acknowledging to myself in some out loud kind of way that my trust is shrivelling up. And that's hard actually. I really *want* to trust people. Somehow after all these years of seeing absolutely the worst of what humans have to offer each other there's apparently part of me that's still convinced it's possible for humans to not be self service assholes. Which is why I qualify as an optimist.

So, a question really... when you go out of your way to fuck over a "friend"... someone you have called a friend in the past and currently, do you feel bad about it afterward? Do you justify? Was it a situational thing where the means justified the supposed end or was it just one of those unfortunate days when someone was in your way?
I know a lot of you have purposefully gone out of your way to fuck someone over, whether you felt they deserved it or not, so I'm just curious what that's like and how you make it okay to yourself later.
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