A Non-Newtonian Fluid (maddening) wrote,
A Non-Newtonian Fluid

  • Mood:

It's the migraine or the eclipse or just about that time

I realized the other day that I really did just stop writing at some point. It didn't trickle away in stages and it wasn't something I grew out of or away from. I just stopped. I never wrote stories. I didn't really write poems. I used to just write. I wrote stuff.
There is something necessarily romantic about the act of sitting down and scribbling away, pouring things on to paper, feeing like it's important. Becuase it is important. In a way that no one outside of yourself will ever understand. I've known a lot of writers and I tend to have rather uneasy relationships with them. I think to be a writer who actually writes, you have to have a chip on your shoulder. You have to know, even when everyone else doesn't, that you and your words are somehow meaninful and matter in a way that most people's don't. Even if that's not a conscious thing or ot something you exactly bring up all the time, you still just sort of know it.
I like that.
But I also don't like that.
Mainly because I am incapable of it.
I think I stopped writing because I knew that whatever it was I had to say wasn't actually meaningful to anyone beyond me. I could imagine other people reading and liking these things, but there always seemed to be too much backstory involved. I could never just put out things to a point. I'm disatisified with every photograph I've ever taken whether I did it with a camera or a pen.

Can you actually *be* a creative person without creating anything? I like the idea that the process is the product, but I stopped doing that too.

Sometimes I feel like I lost myself. Sometimes I feel like I've just been peeling off layers for years waiting for the core. I don't know which it is, or if it's a combination, or if I'm just overthinking something that doesn't really need thinking about in the first place.

  • Oh LJ...

    While I rarely have the energy or mental clarity for a fully fleshed out blah blah in the livejournal, I almost always have the energy for picspam…

  • Yep, still feeling old

    Well alright, Semagic has changed more than a little since the last time I used it. Heh. This is pretty ridiculous. Because Tamara has chosen to…

  • (no subject)

    I think I need to remember to keep the LJ open in the background. Download another client for it and actually run the thing. Maybe that will increase…

  • Post a new comment


    Anonymous comments are disabled in this journal

    default userpic