A Non-Newtonian Fluid (maddening) wrote,
A Non-Newtonian Fluid

Two migraine days, back to back.

Fucking AWESOME. Doesn't get any better than 48 hours of confusion, malaise, and the inability to communicate thoughts and feelings effectively (mixed with the extreme desire to talk).

I'm not even getting the headaches any more. Just the prodrome, the aura, and the postdrome.

I know way too much about this shit. But when you get your own private inner-cerebral lightshow and then have to figure out how to explain to someone why you can't string together a sentence (like you've got a head-lolling concussion) you go and look shit up.

Last week me and my brother actually had conversations like people. It was bizarre. I guess it was... "good"?.. But I don't have any reference. All my friends are only-children and are either completely separated from their family or very close in a "mom might pop over at any time" kind of way. At this point, it's hard to build myself up to go see my family once a year becuase, once out, why the hell would I want to go back? And last year's trip was particularly shit.

I'd love to see my brother continue to visit for weekends or whatever. Leave the wife, come up on his own. It would be very good for him and help him figure out what he really *needs* and what he really wants for himself instead of just continuing in this angry pause where he's taken for granted and ignored. I want the best for everyone in my family. It's just hard to see that some of them try as hard as they can to do the exact opposite of what would be good for them. Not the brother I'm talking about - he surprised me this week with how much he sees and understands about his situation. I've gotten used to the blind victim-y attitude my sister's been hauling around her whole life and the way my mom just gave up at some point. The other brother I don't know enough to even address. So having deep meaningfuls with Stephen was very very odd. But sort of heartening. I feel like the weirdo of the family (and I'm not far off), but it's nice to know that I'm a weirdo that the family and can talk to.

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