Reading through anything from earlier than around May or June of 2002 is just painful. I don't like who I was, how I expressed myself, and all the constant whining. It's the kind of thing that, if I were to stumble across it, I would really hate the person. And the thing is - I don't remember half of what I was so upset about. I know I was really depressed for a good chunk of time there, but how often could I repeat how crappy I felt? In all of the 6 or 7 entries I made every day. Pretty cringe-worthy and uncomfortable.
I read all this angry vitriol at people and have no recollection of why I was so mad. I see me talking about how I'm going to change things and be better only to follow up not 1/2 an hour later with another overwrought outpouring.
I'm honestly embarassed by the "me" that wrote that stuff.
But it has done a nice job of proving out my own personal evolution from that to this. I FEEL so much better than I did then. So much so that it's hard to feel that that person has any actual connection to me - that's how different they are from who I am now. It feels like reading through a stranger's journal. A really angry, fucked up, whiney stranger's journal.