To balance out the way I feel, I'm going to add that I seriously considered buying a pack of cigarettes today. I had just enough cash for a pack and a lighter. And I would have probably smoked about half that pack in a couple hours. But I didn't. Managing to not doing something really fucking stupid in a day filled with really fucking stupid isn't really turning the tide or anything. But I fucking need something right now. Even if it's half bullshit assurances like that.