A Non-Newtonian Fluid (maddening) wrote,
A Non-Newtonian Fluid

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I'm in a pretty shit ass mood.
My head hurts a lot.
Can't pry my eyes open.
I'm just generally... poop. Because well, Other people have been all poop around me and not told me. Not let on. Not just fucking TOLD ME.
And that would have been so much more preferable.
But hell, at least I'm getting told at all, right? And I undestand. Really. I do.
I get it and stuff. I *can* be level headed and understanding. :::nods:::

I'm just wondering if I'm really that thick headed.
Because I thought I was just this lil thing... flea biteish on the big big Lion.
Now it's looking like I'm the thorn in the paw.

So I guess I *am* just a blind blind lil person.
Did I mention my head hurts?
Well, it does.
in that dull migrainey way. Think it came on while I was sleeping. right temple, just over and behind my right eye.
Just .. throbbing...

I don't understand relationships.
I don't understand what's expected of me.
But I do know that I just consistently fail to meet expectations.
Whatever they may be.
I always know just how to dissapoint. ::nods::
I can't stand letting people down. Which is odd considering that that's most of what I do. People just expect way too gaddamn much out of me.
They dismiss the fact that I have NO money and that I have NO Place of my own, at the moment I have NO job (not for lack of looking either) and NO direction...
All of that is okay.
But then they want me to be around and available and all for them 24 hours a day. If I don't somehow take care of everything they need when then need it, how they need it, then I am just a fucking lousy friend.
I dunno..
I'm whining.
I think.
people just expect too much from me, really.
And even when they don't tell me that they're dissapointed... it's how I feel.
Number one fear sometimes is dissapointing people... that's why it's such a BITCH that they expect so much.
Because I know I'll dissapoint.

FUCK I am whining whining.

I need to shut up.
I think I'll clean out my cpu today.
it's dusty.

lazlopanaflex is a total crackhead, by the way.
And I mean that in a nice way.

But he just wants the booty, ya know.

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